UNIVERSAL MONSTERS: ETERNAL BLOODLINES
Advertised Wait: 5 mins
Time in Line: 6:53pm
In the Maze: 7pm
Actual Wait: 7 minutes
Woof. Reviews were not joking. This one is a stinker in pretty much every aspect imaginable — scope, makeup, costumes (we couldn’t make Van Helsing look A LITTLE cooler?), narrative, sound, lighting and even length. This felt like the biggest after thought. It’s not the worst HHN maze I’ve been through, but that first run-through I had was pretty close. The story made zero sense without everyone in there. Luckily I went through this again and that helped it quite a bit, but still, just WOW is this…something. I loved the signs outside the building giving the history of the stage. You’d think they’d do that for every soundstage maze, but perhaps they wanted to highlight maybe one of the only cool aspects this one has going for it. I think this started off great with the shooting of the vampire, really setting my expectations (using a trick from Last of Us last year, I see) and then it just went downhill. I knew I was in for trouble in the She-Wolf forest when the projection of the moon looked freakin’ TERRIBLE! Then, they wasted 50% of this maze on transitions not having a scare in them. Or even darkness. Or even threads. Or anything. Just narration that repeats on a loop so many times, that even if you are walking at a normal pace, it will become grating and the only method of solace is to repeat it because it’s either suffer in madness or join it. “LAST — OF THE VAN HELSINGS!” “TO SEVER THE BLOODLINE — AIM FOR THE HEART!” “I BROUGHT HER HOME — BUT EVIL ALWAYS FOLLOWS!” The story is fine and works, it just seems oddly too simple though — like Bride of Frankenstein Lives was a bit more complex and made sense, but didn’t feel like it had to be dumbed down for us like this one. One scare I really liked in here is when the monsters comes out with their trigger, it interacts with a screen and bats fly away. At this point, I’m just trying to find nice things to say at this point. But man, maybe its time to give the Universal Monsters a break. I don’t know if I wanna see Creature From the Black Lagoon if they’re going to do this little for it. And considering the ending, I have zero desire to see a sequel with a Frankensteined Van Helsing — we can take pride that the Bride had a great first maze and just leave it at that. My first run through, I gave this maze an F, but I’ll be judging it more on the later run for the overall grade, which I gave it a —
D+
DEAD EXPOSURE: DEATH VALLEY
Advertised Wait: 10 mins
Time in Line: 7:18pm
In the Maze: 7:21pm
Actual Wait: 3 mins (none of these signs are going to be accurate, are they?)
A scare right in the facade tricked me into thinking this would be great, and while the house seemed fully staffed, the set design here is so underwhelming. The maze is saved by its committed cast though. And the monkey stuff was interesting, gave it something slightly different than just usual zombie stuff. Honestly, no stand out moments or things to highlight here. The maze kinda just…is. It’s fairly standard (again, aside from the monkey stuff, which is too brief). It didn’t seem like any love or passion went into it, they just threw it together just for the heck of it. I got some good jumps in here, but mentally, I was bored and I kept forgetting we event through it. Not the worst time waster in the world, but I wouldn’t wait longer than 15 minutes for it.
C-
TRANSFORMERS
Ride looks good! Projections are working well.
SUPER NINTENDOLAND/MARIO KART
Advertised Wait: 10 mins
Time in Line: 8:19pm
On the Ride: 8:22pm
Actual Wait: 3 mins of walking
None of my friends had been through this, so went and this was the highlight of their night. The zone is completely empty and is vastly different than how I experienced it last summer. Took pictures with Peach and Toad with zero line. I didn’t know you could play the games without the watch, you just don’t earn points I guess. Walked right on the ride, they’re not even playing the pre-show stuff. I feel like the AR graphics are not as sharp as the first few times I rode this though and they weren’t interacting with the sets as well as they used. With that said, still a very fun detour that we took for an hour simply because we could. With it being empty though, it’s clear how much this area suffers from not much to do.
TERROR TRAM: ENTER THE BLUMHOUSE
Advertised Wait: 5 mins
Time in Line: 9:10pm
In the Maze: 9:12pm
Actual Wait: 2 mins
Off the bat, I will say it. This was the highlight of my night. This is the best the Terror Tram has been since my favorite tram in 2008. It doesn’t quite match the scope of that (and I’ll get to why later), but it was so jam packed right from the beginning, that I was instantly in love. This is what the Terror Tram has been desperately needing for YEARS. It’s the shot of adrenaline to make this thing fresh again. The format could easily work for the next 3-5 years before I start to really think, “okay, but how can we change up War of the Worlds now?” The beginning video shows quite a bit of properties not featured and it doesn’t do much to sell any semblance of a story, but at least its a fun montage. Getting off, things kick off with some chainsaw action and these guys were aggressive! First time I saw any aggressive movements out of scareactors in the night, as the sun had finally set and the heat wasn’t too bad. The Megan segment was great, the little show scenes off to the side is basically a Megan maze or gauntlet scare zone. They put SO much into this part and was a great way to kick things off. You go through he middle of the motel, just as I had been wanting the format to return to, keeping the action going. The Freaky stuff was fantastic, all the scareactors here were having fun chasing each other, dying, etc.. The Black Phone section is literally one tiny hallway but they pack in so many Grabbers in there, that it feels like a whole experience. The hill that I usually dread going up to the Psycho house was given a cool view of the Hollywood sign — I wish we could take pix with it, but they keep you moving. Usually the trams start off great and then end terribly because the WOTW set is always empty and I was preparing myself for disappoint. But by God, every two or three steps I took, someone was swinging a bat, an axe, or a machete in my face. I have never seen so many Purgers in my life. It legit felt like more Purgers than guests walking through. My only issue here is they didn’t utilize the plane or the houses off to the side. Usually there’s carnage everywhere other than the usual destruction from the WOTW set, but they kept it fairly barebones other than the lit up cop car. While it would’ve been great to have a finale scene (and sadly — or thankfully, I’m not sure haha) The Wolf Man section was closed, with one more section giving the Terror Tram a nice button at the end. More chainsaw carnage to close it out. Short and sweet. I missed the Nope sets but I totally understand getting rid of it if its making the route thin of scareactors. This was much better and highly appreciated. The experience ends with the Speak No Evil trailer which I have seen literally a thousand times and I am sick of it, but in general — I feel like they could play something scarier to close us out. Anyway, very sold.
A
HARRY POTTER AND THE FORBIDDEN JOURNEY
Projections aren’t looking that great right now. I also wish the ride would go back to the 3D.
GHOSTBUSTERS: FROZEN EMPIRE
Advertised Wait: 5 mins
Time in line: 11pm
In the Maze: 11:05pm
Actual Wait: 5 mins
In that entire wait, Slimer only came out once and very briefly, so my entire group missed it. They need to fix the intervals here. Once every 5 minutes should not be the standard. I hated the first Ghostbusters maze and right as I entered, the tone was much better. And while some parts are fun, maybe get a few jumps, and overall it’s aesthetically well designed, it’s never scary. Love the marshmallow smell. Also love Vigo, as Ghostbusters 2 is my favorite (I know, hot take) — they could’ve placed him somewhere a little better though — and could we get a little bit of the slime?! I think adding ghosts from the entire franchise was a great call, it kept it lively and unpredictable. The finale is kind of a dud, ending this in womp-womp fashion. I don’t know, destroying the evil is a weird way to cap things off. But I didn’t hate it, so that’s a plus for me, but overall it feels like a giant “out of all the IPs, why this one?”
C
INSIDIOUS: THE FURTHER
Advertised Wait: 15 mins
Time in Line: 11:10pm
In the Maze: 11:20pm
Actual Wait 10 minutes
I was rather shocked by the length of this Express line, going through several zigzags was definitely strange to me. The first two Insidious mazes are all-timers, but the third one was just fine. This easily places above the third one but doesn’t quite match the greatness of the first two. One of my initial complaints about the first two was there were too many dummies and funny enough — for this maze, they literally just made them actual mannequins LMAO. Aesthetic-wise, that works for me, as it seems like a deliberate choice. Oddly, I don’t know what to say about this maze because there was so much packed in. It’s both a pro and a con — pro because it’s one of the only mazes this year that genuinely feel intense and a con because the other Insidious mazes actually built up a considerable amount of dread with the quiet moments while this one just attacks you around every corner. The Further sequence felt too short, my only big complaint. Darth Maul was freakin’ everywhere though and the variation of demons was great, especially in the end.
B+