“Gentlemen … we’re history.” - Rufus
16 years and a month or so ago, I went to my first Halloween Horror Nights. This was literally weeks after 9/11—for those too young to remember, to say Orlando was on edge is an understatement. I still remember my friend Jen and I being the only people in the Adventurers Club the night PI re-opened, a show of solidarity with her fiancé Mike who had to bartend. At HHN, looking to get off our feet, we saw a sign for “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure.” I was somewhat familiar with the cheesy movies that inspired it, they ran on HBO a lot in the 80s and appealed to my dumb-but-smart sense of humor, but I’ll be honest, getting off our feet was the primary motivation that evening.
The show began with Osama Bin Laden coming out and yelling gibberish, as the subtitles behind him grew more and more surreal. As he ranted, the camel he’d brought out split apart into two guys, dressed like Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves ca. 1985, who proceeded to beat the hell out of him. They then turned to us, breaking the fourth wall, and shouted, “Happy Halloween audience dudes!” It was perfect. It gave us permission to laugh, to have fun, to leave all the tension of the past month behind for 35 minutes.
I’ve been back to see the show every year since. From 2006 on, many times each year. Could probably recite the script from any of the past 10 years from memory. Friends and I still throw random B&T quotes out every week. It’s no exaggeration to say opening and closing shows generally end up in my top 10 nights of the year.
At its best, the show offered side-splitting and insightful commentary on pop culture in general, and Orlando’s unique theme park culture in particular. At its worst—when it was all dumb-as-hell dick and douche-cano jokes and sexy people dancing—it was still a ton of fun. And you could count on the cast to bring their A-game every night. The single best theme park show I’ve seen. As an attraction, in the same rarified air as Mansion, Spidey and a certain bar whose closing also stung.
Tonight or tomorrow will be my last adventure with those most excellent dudes Bill & Ted. I’ll go for closure and to cheer so loudly it blows the windows out over on the Turkey Lake Road office buildings. But inside my heart will be breaking. This show is one of the few things that has kept me sane during my time in Orlando.
To any past or present cast who happen to read this, thank you. And to all the fellow fans I’ve met in the last 17 years … be excellent to one another. And party on, dudes!