HHN 30: Pay To Get In
Nine years attending HHN and here I have survived my second big anniversary event. Was it what I had hoped for? Eh, I certainly saw the potential and what the team had planned. But, you know the saying, if you want to make the Pumpkin Lord laugh his guts out, tell him your plans for Halloween.
So let’s get it out of the way: the event this year feels grossly opportunistic. Not just in the sense of hyper capitalism, but also in the sense of fan service/nostalgia. More on the latter later, but regarding the former, I won’t be surprised if HHN and Uni catch some heat for allowing this many people attend with zero COVID protocols being implemented for guests. I just did my best to avoid crowds and wore my mask at all times. I am also currently self isolating before taking a second COVID test in a couple of days (first one was negative btw). I encourage anyone reading this to please test yourself before and after attending this year. You can buy test kits at any local drug store.
Additionally, the biggest failure of the event is the last minute vinyl/plexiglass situation. Anyone saying it does not effect the event or houses is full of sh-t. It hamstrings every scare and I 100% would not have attended knowing what it was going to be like beforehand. Pick a lane Uni - either let it be a free for all or take COVID seriously. The placement of the vinyl/plexiglass is so arbitrary it makes zero sense - some scareactors have three boo holes, two with plexiglass and one without. Other rooms have an actor on the left with it, and an actor on the right without it. WTF?
Given how I despised the operations and poor decision making, was I glad I attended? Well, yes, because…
Wicked Growth: The Realm of the Pumpkin
This one house made all the hassle and bs safety theater worth it. It’s also the house least impacted by the plexivinyl. Easily in my top 3 and the best house since Scarecrow: The Reaping. Loved everything about this house from the scares (the “wood” and “chainlink” fence scares are so damn clever), to the story (which perfectly progresses through each scene) to the amazing design/scenic work - gah, I wish I could redo my first walk through of that facade and that bridge!! Pretty much, this is THE reason to attend HHN this year. And the only way I’m coming back for HHN 31 is if they continue the story. I WANT MORE PUMPKIN LORE!! The Pumpkin Lord has been summoned at 30, don’t be stupid marketing and A&D - it’s a no brainer for him to host 31!! HE GROWS HALLOWEEEEEEN!!
So, really dude, that’s the only reason to go this year? Well that and…
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Wish I could experience this one without the plexivinyl! I can feel how intense it’s supposed to be. My first run had me f- up and I can only imagine how much worse it would have been without HAVING A F-ING DOOR COVERED IN PLEXIGLASS, YOU MORONS. Anyways, this house was filthy and I wanted out at one point, which rarely happens. Also the chainsaws are LOUD and legit feel like they’re nearby because of the rattling of the speakers. And KUDOS to the scareactors NAILING Leatherface’s manic chainsaw dance. The only aspect missing was the smell of gas, which honestly may have been in there but I couldn’t smell it through my mask.
Okay so only two houses were good? Honestly, I thought most had potential! Looking at the boo holes and triggers, I could see what it should have been. Brides, Toothfairy, Puppet Theater, Hill House, and heck, even Beetlejuice should have really been a lot more fun. But with actors being prevented from getting close to guest path, they fell flat for me. Design work? Yeah, all great. Costumes? Totally! Loved the pregnant woman in Hill House! Very cool. But if I don’t get scared in these houses, design and costumes are meaningless. I also saw a handful of scareactors in houses just not trying. And I don’t blame them, especially when they’re behind plexiglass or dealing with the spray of spittle being screamed in their direction by maskless drunks.
Hey, I noticed you haven’t talked about the HHN lore houses - Icons, Scarey, and Legendary Truth? Yeah, so…
I did the Jack’d Up experience first before HHN. Our guide asked the four of us “Who knows Jack the clown?” I was the only person who “Whoooed” and the girl goes “Oh cool, most people don’t know him, so this will be fun for you.” And I think that opened my eyes to all the “old school” HHN lore stuff. Most people don’t know this stuff, and now that I’ve seen Jack back again, it’s lost its appeal. Which brings me too Icons: Captured.
HHN Icons was soooo boring. We’re just moving through the commercials inside Fear’s lantern? That’s it? It was kind of sad to finally get an Icons house and it was just so uninspiring. I felt like I had seen this house without having walked through it, ya know? The biggest surprise was The Storyteller reveal that she’s a…siren? Great, that probably won’t not come back into play for at least another 10 years. I saw Jack win 3x and the Director 1x…but I honestly don’t know how seeing different icons “win” matters when there are zero stakes to anything happening here.
Legendary Truth on the other hand was a very cool house with an overly complex backstory and way too much detail in every scene to pick up on what was happening. Jesus guys. How about a queue video or website or something for this house alone? Add a blurb to the blog to fill us in. Really hope someone can get in there on a UTH tour and take photos of everything so I can get the scoop on the totems and novels and portal to hell and how it all interconnects. I get that Boris is telling us what happened and ends up getting sucked into the portal to hell, but everything between the first and last room is a blur.
However, the worst offender of pointless fan service this year goes to Scarey. Wow talk about disjointed and thrown together. Walking in, I could see backstage! Where the hell are the walls when you enter the tent? Both Blumhouses had better entrances/set designs than this. And everything is just so thrown together. Did I mention that yet? I always wanted to see HR and Meatz but not like this. It felt like “let’s pick several scenes and throw them together with no consideration for transitions or pacing!” It also had the most anticlimactic ending to a house this year. Never would I have imagined I’d prefer Stranger Things 2 over an original anniversary house. Yikes. Are they trying to turn people off to HHN lore?
Hey you’re being pretty negative about the houses. Did you see shows? Uh, ha, well the lagoon’s half empty too…
Marathon of Mayhem: Carnage Factory was fine. Not great. Fine. Why? Because it tried to be too many different things. Whereas the first MoM was a celebration of the IPs that year and had GREAT music - Ghostbusters, KKFoS, and ST c’mon! such great jams - this was…a factory created by Jack to extract our fear? Using IPs from this year? But I thought Jack was in the lantern? Shut up, brain. Oh, and yeah, I got the concept the first time. We don’t need Jack midway into the show saying, “You may be asking yourself, what is this place, Jack?” Nope, I heard it the first time, Jack, it’s a factory to extract fear. The writing for this show was…off. Also, steampunk, metal, and graphic novel artwork aesthetically clashed with Icons, HH, or UCM. The metal and red lights worked GREAT for TCM, though. Idk maybe another situation where I felt it was too thrown together with too much going on and not a clear point of view on its theming.
Then there was Sexy Bedtime Wet Dream Fuel. Or “Nightmare” Fuel. The people in this show are too sexy to be nightmares. But, also the show is just okay. Not great, okay. 2016 AoV still captured what a non- B&T HHN show should be like and there was way too much hyperbole going around saying Nightmare Fuel is “The BEST HHN show ever!” No, it’s fine. It’s fun. But really showed its cards early on and kind of repeated itself too much. And then there was the music…
Let’s talk about music this year. Last year the synth wave atmospheric music was GREAT. Perfectly fun, creepy, and somehow both retro AND modern. And, hey, we had Hellbilly Deluxe too. A great metal album zone where the Gex X’ers could go for a metal fix…But this year’s metal atmosphere music and sh-tty metal covers of great songs was cringe terrible. It’s what your uncle who’s an ex-marine listens to when he does cross fit. Yikes. Give me the Stones and New Order and not some crappy metal band butchering them. Jesus. Only music I found exciting this year was the BJ soundtrack, obviously, and the St Vincent “Sad But True” cover. Those were cool to have at the event. These sh-tty covers of NIN though, get out of here with that and play some actual f-ing NIN.
Coming in hot! But wait, how about the scare zones?
I liked them all! I think they could all improve a bit, but I found each of them to be fun! And I only saw one scareactor in Seek & Destroy breaking character and goofing off. Much better than last year!! And Hackathon is a fun chaotic mess that shows you CAN throw sh-t together and make it scary and fun through a cool concept with a specific point of view. Gorewood’s blood vein trees were also particularly awesome, but I wish the Terra Queen had more to do/there was more of a story. Plus, MoM ruins that zone most of the night, which is a shame because it’s very creepy and atmospheric.
So, hey, I did what Universal wanted me to: I paid to get in!! They got me. Do I recommend attending this year to anyone else? Barely! No, but kind of just for Wicked Growth. And test yourself before and after going. I don’t think the Pumpkin Lord is the only dangerously lethal thing being summoned at this year’s event.
